Day Fifty-Seven Part II

When we act obsessively, when are consumed by something that is bad for us, it is called addiction. But when the obsession goes to something positive it is a passion.

I am learning folks. I did not expect this to be easy and fun all the time. I am digging at the root of my issues which are binge eating, drinking etc. These addictions, I will call them, are my coping mechanism when stress hits. Now instead of "laying down" and watching TV, I need to get up off my rump and walk etc.

I am a person who is on a highway. I do fine if no one else is on the highway, and there are no exits, or billboards. But when I hit a stretch of distractions (pot holes, bad drivers etc metaphorically), I allow them to become excuses for getting off the road. Instead I need healthy rest stops where I can get out and stretch etc. These rest stops in my case would be, reading, writing, playing with the kids, exercise etc.

So the goal is to consciously choose the passion over the addiction. Or make the "good behaviors" the release or become my new addictions. Retrain the brain.

I cannot solve the past but I can avoid the bad triggers and make them into guns, with a safety.

I am very tough on myself. Because of my childhood, see earlier blogs in January, I try very hard to be a good husband, parent, employee. So I struggle within that balance and I knock myself for not being perfect because I want my adult life to not be like my childhood. And when I beat on myself, I run to the poor behaviors.

Here in lies the Phoenix piece. The focus on staying "in the game" and not letting the distractions take me off course. And rising out of the ashes of my past wings blazing.